when frustration takes it's toll

some people just have one hell of a God complex.
who knew such a tiny little man could be such a pain in the ass.


i'll be reporting back soon.


krystal, out.

c/o a dazzlingly intelligent friend

"well i think there is a definite difference between liking and loving...loving is hard, but we are supposed to do it. liking, not so much."

random thought # 784930262547890501209473...

my heart aches for so many different reasons tonight...but on the contrary, i smile for just as many.

today has been a very off day for me. with an anniversary i dread in less than 48 hours away, i realize that instead of thinking of tomorrow as being 24, i know it'll be a fresh slate...just as i should be thinking the same for this new year.

these are just going to come randomly, cause thats just the kind of mood i'm in right now:

(+) i'm super psyched to have lunch with miss celia rose whom i haven't seen in Lord knows how many months. and if stevie comes, then 2 of the best gals i know are going to finally meet

(+) i get to see my family & my MIAMI family is coming to visit as well!

(-) yet another family member is dying of cancer

(+) daniel and i just celebrated our year and 11 months...2 years is right around the corner and i couldn't be more thrilled.

(-) lots of people around me are sick, please keep them in your thoughts and prayers

(+) i love my friends and want to do MORE for them in return for them doing SO much for me

(-/+) to whom it may concern: everything is out on the table now. i've said my piece. afterwards, i let your words get the best of me. i was reading a book today and it made me think and i learned...your words proved false to me in every way possible. i know what you were trying to do and bring about, turning and twisting everything around and against me, and shame on me for falling for it. but thanks to someone whom i love very much, i've cleared my blurred vision on this situation. don't envy over love...don't envy over what we have. we are absolutely great and more in love than ever. you know nothing of what truly goes on or what we honestly feel for one another, so don't speak as if you do...or as if you were humble enough to even wash the lowliest of feet for that matter. i honestly don't think anyone one on this beautiful God given earth really deserves such a privilege. i know i don't. stop concerning yourself of your image in other people's eyes. if you're proud of who you are, then great, it obviously shouldn't matter what i think and it certainly does not mean i have to agree. you asked and i answered...if you didn't like what you heard, then maybe you shold've thought about it before asking a question that had an answer you thought you were so bold and brave enough to hear. i never tried or asked for you to change, so don't expect me to be fake or act like someone i'm not.

(-) something i'm confused about and that i've learned is that it is impossible to like everyone in this world...i know we're supposed to "love thy neighber", but what about those who inflict hurt and pain onto others? for example, hitler, or osama. are they not people? i understand that i don't have to love what they do, but what they do [their mission and what they stand for] is a part of who they are as a person, correct? if not, please do explain to me, for i'm all ears. i'm not here to convict, or to judge...thats not my duty nor my place. but i can feel and voice my opinions. don't judge me by the same double standard line that you are just as guilty of walking.

(this + has it's -) i miss a lot of people. so this one goes out to them: as a whole, we will...i repeat....we WILL see/talk more of/with eachother this year!!!!!! for pete's sake, half of us have grown up together and have always hung out. we finally move away from home, still live in the same town, and we see even LESS of eachother!!!

(-) 1.5.02. a day that's still all too painful for me to handle.

i'm out for tonight. goodnight all.