life and lulls

so i'm in one of those writing moods where i feel like i should say something about anything. something significant and worth reading. but my fingers keep pausing every other word.

i am by no means unhappy, but it still doesn't stop the heaviness of countless weights on my shoulders. i'm actually quite happy the direction that life is flowing me. i've grown significantly closer to a handful of wonderful friends. my family is amazing. i have many many good memories-new and old.

now i know i shouldn't bitch. i'm a firm believer that an individual's personal problems pale in comparison to other problems in the world. but despite all the goodness in my life, i'm stricken with fear (to move foreward), confusion (in what i should do next), and a slight lull (yeah, lull). it is almost as if something is missing and i can't quite place my finger on it.

as my day goes by i'll find myself being overcome by what my heart truly longs for in life. i'll spend a myriad of moments daydreaming of my desires. things i hope to place a big fat check mark on my life's to-do-list before i die.


(in no particular order and among other things i have not listed)
travel the world.
paint something amazing.
write music or collaborate with someone.
be in a musical...on broadway (off broadway is acceptable).
pursue the beauty industry.
travel the world again.
be in a band.
join the peace corp.
become a better photographer.
skydive again.
be the voice of a cartoon character.
write a book.
become multi-lingual.
have my 10 seconds of fame.


it isn't long before my daydream bubble is popped by some untimely road block (sometimes people) telling me what lies ahead is a road not meant for me to trek and certain things are to remain just a dream. i know i shouldn't let what someone says get me down. but what do you do when that someone is a pretty signficant person in your life. don't get me wrong, some of these have potential. others, well they're easier said than done. and the rest, well let's just say that money has very-much-so become the most recent religion and creed for this world.

i would be thrilled to check even one of those off my list. ah, but there is something i'm forgetting. there is, in fact, something i am fully capable of doing before my time does come:


laugh at least once a day, whole-heartedly and with the full force that drives me.