this is...life???

i'm so blessed. i know i am. i'm rich in so many ways. i have a great, strong family thats made it so far, even when we didn't think we would after we lost my dad. i have friends who care about me. i have someone who tells me he loves me everday. i have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and just enough money in my name to keep it like that. i'm lucky enough to be listening to one of my favorite artists. i'm back to school for the fall and i'm actually starting out the semester on somewhat of the right foot, despite some set backs. i have a steady job with steady income and actually like the people i work with. i have a car to get to that job. i have the luxury of time to sit on my balcony during the day, watch the rain and read a book.

but why is it that i feel so poor at the same time?

is it me? is it bad karma around me? or am i just that selfish that my heart is longing for something else...something more? what else is there? i feel as if i need something to fill a void. a voice to fill my head. a new sight to purposely obstruct my view.


the other night i had a heart to heart with the best gal in the world. she knows who she is. i was at my lowest. she said something. it triggered something else. and the tears...they stopped. i know my life isn't and will never be like the movies. we all don't want or like to crash and burn. i know i don't. but we're the only ones that set ourselves up for it by envisioning things to always be perfect and to go our way. i just wish i could take that and apply it.

goodnight all.