here's to william james

stream of consciousness here i come...well sort of. i'll try my best and throw in some punctuation for all our sakes...



so the sound of the laundry in the dryer has provoked me to write, funny how little things do that to the mind. my thoughts this week seemed to battle that unbeatable foe of every sticky situation you've ever gotten into in your life time. it absolutely baffles me how quickly friends can turn their back and be quickest to draw their knives...or claws, however you want to look at it. something inside me knew it would come down to something similar, shame on my for giving you the benefit of the doubt. lesson learned yes, but how should i apply it? i absolutely can not stand people who are ignorant in their blessings. if you have the opportunity to go to school, have that and all your necessities paid for, want to and love it, then why not? oh thats right, you're too busy being a rebel. please save yourself from, well, yourself. on another note, i don't like "them"...i like them...implying a separateness. sorry, its just doesn't mesh in my head. but nonetheless i am human and am very capable of being wrong. yes i love my apartment and being alone, and no i'm not scared. my cousin always knew i was a sort of loner. the other day i finally heard these words come out of her mouth. sounded real different than what i had expected. don't really know why and don't really know how to react. and here i sit at nearly 1 in the morning. of course. she and stevie know my like no other. probably better than i know myself. why is it everyone once in their life finds themselves saying those words at least once? its almost as if it were the two sides of a coin. one being flattering, the other being somewhat sad to think that theres someone else out their that can call your shots better than you can...other than God that is. today i felt like i left someone hanging high and dry in the midst of budding conversation. i didn't realize it til later and now the guilt still sits with me. the person probably didn't even begin to think of it the way i have, but maybe since i've had it happen to me i don't want to do it again. started a new book today. midnight in the garden of good and evil. haven't gotten that far into it yet. frankly i've already got the salt shaker next to me. nonetheless i'll keep reading. the descriptions are great though. makes me really feel like i'm there. afterall thats what we all look for in a good book, right? relativity. that what we look for in a lot of things. the ability to relate with all 6 senses...yes 6: hear, see, smell, taste, touch, and in this case situation. placing yourself in the midst of the fabricated dramas and uttering those words "oh i so know what you mean".

well i think thats enough rambling for one night. besides the dryer has stopped spinning and so have the wheels in my head. the sandman is calling me.