L, is for the way you...

so i'm totally going to skip the part where i acknowledge the fact that i said i would write more and then don't, and then say that i'm REALLY going to stick to it this time around. i really ought to stop lying to myself (and you, invisible audience) about shit like that.

in light of the urge to write this post, i suppose i should start with it's motivation. three people, whom are very dear to me, have gotten in car accidents in the past few months or so--each progressively worse than the last. it's always these moments where a life is threatened, in danger, or altered in such a way that we are brought back to reality and forced to realize how fragile we all are. we live out our lives, never knowing if tomorrow will come for ourselves or for those around us, yet the world continues to be filled with such negative things. you would think if people would keep that in mind, all the bad things in life would be somewhat put in to perspective, and in turn not seem so bad after all. anger over the stupidest things, silly really.

i find that most live out their lives, but often forget how to live...or rather, live with consideration to those around them, particularly the ones that they consider "close." within the past month alone i've encountered selfishness at it's best, from numerous people, in more ways than i can count on two hands. i swear people still think the world revolves solely around themselves, having all the say in what they need or want, and when they want it. but the moment something doesn't go their way, all the world is against them and life sucks.

now, this isn't to say that we aren't entitled to  our "venting" moments or what we deserve when making compromises or sacrifices--a positive form of selfishness if you will--but it truly has amazed me how people take advantage of their relationships in general.

back in college (gosh, that sounds so weird to say), i took a humanities class where much of the time was spent in discussion about the topic at hand. one kid had raised his hand and i swear the next words out of his mouth should've been on a bumper sticker:

"love...some people love and EXPECT to be loved in return. whatever happened to love for the sake of JUST loving?"

there i was. sitting in my desk in the back of the classroom, hidden behind my laptop, jaw completely agape. my mind had just been blown. it wasn't by anything new, but it had just been said in such a way that from that moment on i knew that this is what i had to do in life. just love. this doesn't mean i'm incapable of getting upset, or mad when bad shit happens, or when people take advantage of me, or on the contrary, that i let everything roll off my back. it's definitely hard not to get mad at life sometimes.sure there are other times when something probably should be said to keep from getting walked all over, but those are the times where it's hardest to find the words to say what's on your mind and still show love. to be quite honest, it's been a hard quote to truly, 100% whole-heartedly live by.


i've come to a quick conclusion that people can be placed in to two categories, with little room for overlap: givers and takers. both have their downfalls. for givers, it's difficult to do something, not get the appreciation you probably deserve, but still feel good about doing it. and then do it again. takers only feel instant gratification. when they constantly ask and always receive, it's easy to be blinded by that immediate feeling of getting what you want. do they mean to do it? probably not. do they know they do it? probably not. will their habits change? probably not. and so the world goes round.


my brother got married last december. during the sermon, the priest said something that has stuck with me since. the other ideal that i try my hardest to live by:

so many times in life, people argue in their relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, "well, it's not fair. i'm giving my 50%, but i don't feel like you are." well, whose idea was it to put only half of yourself in to something, when you have 100% to give?

again, mind blowing, but such a, "duh, of course!" kind of statement. why would anyone think to only do something half-assed in the first place? you hate it when it's done to you, why do it to someone else?

these are the two things that i always remind myself of on a daily basis. it's how i choose to live my life. and i've got to be honest, it's been pretty swell. not always easy, but the feeling is great. it's for certain that the people that come and go in your life may make it harder or easier to live by and do. i've learned that if you surround yourself with people who aren't all "takers," life becomes a bit easier to deal with. you respect yourself and those around you in such a different manner. in my case, i was fortunate enough to have someone come back in to my life and teach me how to do these things without hesitation. in turn, it's all taught me a lot about myself. stuff that i would've never known had shit not hit the fan in the first place. it all surprisingly came with the greatest of ease too. i found myself wanting to do all the little stuff and all the bad stuff from before just didn't matter. it all seems worth it when you know the other person is that much more at ease and happy.


and to think...all the "stuff" that i've done for him, he probably hasn't the slightest clue what he's done for me in return. ^_^